It was first love, so innocent and pure. The type you'd know that this was the ONE and you would sacifice anything, the time, the money even your life for it to flourish. 2.5 years of endless devotion, can to an abrupt end one day. She was kind to let me down easy, tried to explain it was her fault and even to "scold" her if i was unhappy. Being the teenage egoistic male filled with pride and never to "lose face" in a situation like this, i consented that it was ok. She even explained that if she wasn't the one i was intending to marry, it would have to end somewhere. I agreed and we parted.

Unknowing the her, i was totally devestated by this. My whole world from everything i knew, did and believed in was suddenly taken away. The life in me was drained, and there was this hugh "love" vacuum to be filled. I got attached again but this relationship had to be ended by me, as i finally realized that it was unfair of me to love somebody for the wrong reasons. I didn't know how to love again, the sameway i had always knew.I lived my life, more careful of my feelings, more reserved. Never being able to commit myself.

Time passes by and i live my life . Now and then the memories do resurface and haunt me. Sometimes, out of the blue, i dream of her, and it totally destabilizes the day for me. One such day happened 5 years ago, out of curiosity, i went to search ROM and to my "surprise" i found that she had registered about 2  years ago. I felt there was no point in  waiting  anymore. Deep inside i was  hoping for something to happen despite not having contact for ~8 years. Within a month, i proposed to my current girlfriend and we got married the subsequent year.

Just yesterday (~15 years since), i stumbled upon her facebook entry. Being a private one, i could see her together with her daugher. Something deep inside starts to rekindle, some emotions that makes me feel uneasy. I've been off center for the last 24 hrs. I'm really happy for her and bear no grudges as i should have matured through all this time. But there is something deep inside me that has made me feel uneasy. Something i think i should have said on that fateful breakup day or sometime sooner. I know it sounds ridiculous to be hoping for anything now, and i'm not. I myself have a daughter and she means the world to me and i would never do anything to hurt her.

But there is something in my soul that needs addressing, something that i have to address before i depart from this planet. I just need to tell her (without any hope or agenda) that "I really loved you. I lied then about you not being the one not to marry, cos it was the exact opposite, you were my life and that was always in my mind for that to happen. Cos not letting you know for all this time has been killing me".

I feel that i have to seal this chapter in my life, which was never really closed for 15 years. But then again it sounds crazy to contact someone who you've not contacted for 15 years and say this. Now that our lives have moved on.

What should i do??

P.S.    If any of you had watch "Love actually", i can truely relate to the character Mark that is secretly in love with Kiera knightley's character, but didn't have the courage to tell her, because as he says "its a self preservation thing". Not allowing himself to succumb to the despair of knowing that they can never be together. Kiera married his best friend.

as the common advice will always to move on which you certainly did.

one more thing is to leave it all behind. its ok to look back once in a while, but know your footing and cherish the present.

what happened in the past, may not really matter anymore to her.

U got a family .. So wat if u have contacted her? ?Just move on.

wall of text

good grief. another one.

don't be an asshole, move on.

Damn you, you made me cry...

just when i thought i was moving on... yes, i`m in the same shoes as what u were 15 years ago.. i knew i was going to regret not doing anything... however i was just convinced that i had to let her go..

i too had felt that vacumn that u felt, a special place in the heart no one could ever replace.. i too felt hopeless and helpless.. but there seemed to be nothing i can do now.. i don even dare to love anymore.

if u think no one understands you, i know... it was always easy for the others to say move on, but the heart doesnt really walk in the same direction as the mind.. yes, u knew what should be done,and u will do it, but it's just impossible to change the way you feel for her...

from a different perspective, i recently unwiliingly ended my r/s.. i always felt that something could be done to prevent this regret i`ll be expecting many years down the road, but many are the advices that asked me to forget about getting the r/s back.. i tried everything possible within my means, but it just yield no possible results, in fact her love was deeply covered by her hatred now.. the more i do, the more she hates.. i talked to someone recently, he gave me an advice..

`if she comes back to you, will she be happy?`

this was the thought that didnt went throu my mind at anytime, i just wondered what life would be if i still had her with me right now.. it would had been so wonderful, but little actions leads to misunderstanding beyond recovery for me now.. for me i would picture that yes, she`ll had been very happy if i had not done the stupid things i did to end this r/s.. neither do i expect our love to end up this way.. in fact i had already wanted to propose to her end of this year.. only to do the most cruel thing a guy would had done to a girl.. now i cannot even see her nor contact her.. my heart is broken into a million pieces...

now i can only pray to heaven, that she`ll finally find someone she loves, and probably love her and pamper her more than i do.. so that i can swollow this pain myself.. at least happiness that i cannot give to her, i hope someone else can..

If u need people to talk to, u can call me... cuz i understand..

not that i want to upset you,

but i cried even more when i see this..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4QkSa2-oX8

 i went to search ROM and to my "surprise" i found that she had registered about 2  years ago. I felt there was no point in  waiting  anymore. Deep inside i was  hoping for something to happen despite not having contact for ~8 years. Within a month, i proposed to my current girlfriend and we got married the subsequent year.

....... so was ur current wife the spare tyre in between ? that only when discovering that your "true love" was gonna get married then you proposed to your then gf ? 

喜欢或爱是不需要拥有的。

有时在一边看着她的笑，

就可满足了。

tell her you really needed her back then..but it was back then..now both of you have a family each. so continue with your current life.

so sweet... but move on ok. you've got your family. she has got hers. unless you want to be friends again, then add her to your facebook. of cos, that is, if she wants to have you as friend again.

Originally posted by BaByBoY:

Damn you, you made me cry...

 

just when i thought i was moving on... yes, i`m in the same shoes as what u were 15 years ago.. i knew i was going to regret not doing anything... however i was just convinced that i had to let her go..

 

i too had felt that vacumn that u felt, a special place in the heart no one could ever replace.. i too felt hopeless and helpless.. but there seemed to be nothing i can do now.. i don even dare to love anymore.

 

if u think no one understands you, i know... it was always easy for the others to say move on, but the heart doesnt really walk in the same direction as the mind.. yes, u knew what should be done,and u will do it, but it's just impossible to change the way you feel for her...

 

from a different perspective, i recently unwiliingly ended my r/s.. i always felt that something could be done to prevent this regret i`ll be expecting many years down the road, but many are the advices that asked me to forget about getting the r/s back.. i tried everything possible within my means, but it just yield no possible results, in fact her love was deeply covered by her hatred now.. the more i do, the more she hates.. i talked to someone recently, he gave me an advice..

 

`if she comes back to you, will she be happy?`

 

this was the thought that didnt went throu my mind at anytime, i just wondered what life would be if i still had her with me right now.. it would had been so wonderful, but little actions leads to misunderstanding beyond recovery for me now.. for me i would picture that yes, she`ll had been very happy if i had not done the stupid things i did to end this r/s.. neither do i expect our love to end up this way.. in fact i had already wanted to propose to her end of this year.. only to do the most cruel thing a guy would had done to a girl.. now i cannot even see her nor contact her.. my heart is broken into a million pieces...

 

now i can only pray to heaven, that she`ll finally find someone she loves, and probably love her and pamper her more than i do.. so that i can swollow this pain myself.. at least happiness that i cannot give to her, i hope someone else can..

 

If u need people to talk to, u can call me... cuz i understand..

 

 

not that i want to upset you,

but i cried even more when i see this..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4QkSa2-oX8

It's not easy to move on and it took mi blardy 3 years to move on.

OMG 15 years .

Why cant u move one ?

I can undestand your feeling as i`ve been through the same thing but i only took 2 years to move on .

And now that i`ve moved on the feeling is great .

But if u really want to tell her that u have really loved her go ahead.

But make sure it ends there cause u already have a family

15 years????

Even my 2 years of NS seem freakin long.

Wah 15 years .. you have a family now , you should move on

bro, all the best to u and best wishes to her too. that;s life bro. Live u life to the fullest so pls remove such thinking from you forever and ever for the sake of both of u families.

cheerz

Honestly,

i see myself in the stage where u were 15 years ago,

wondering about my options that i can take.. i`m at a total lost for emotions and actions, i cannot do anything, and don really know what i should even feel now??

should i be sad/very sad/ happy or what? i don really know..  ppl asked me to move on , and tell urself to be happy... and all those stuff... i can lie to everyone, but i cant lie to my heart..

I really want her back..

now i`ve a few options, be like this guy here,

1. Live a life of regret, not doing anything more to save my r/s.

2. Dwell on in my life and live on hope ( false hope )

3. Lie to myself that i`ve moved on and try to be happy.

Oh man, like the ts, i know what i need to do, find job, move on, get ready for another love, look at other things in life, and probably... let myself forget the love or get numb of it..

But the surreal pain hurts the most, when we regret making a wrong decision conciously and bent on doing it for the sake of not changing so that u tink u might not regret.. but in fact losing a chance to be eternally happy.. in short, why couldnt i give the love another chance? why couldnt i convince her to give another love another chance.. i know i cant force love and free will, but surely i hope my perserverence will one day break the ice, and touch her w my sincerity...

The only problem now, i`m lost..

How come got so many boys and guys here having lovesick ar??? Love is suppose to be more on we gals side mah?? Lame guys

Originally posted by angel7030:

How come got so many boys and guys here having lovesick ar??? Love is suppose to be more on we gals side mah?? Lame guys

i`ll be fine it it was BGR, but i came into this r/s w the intention to settle down.. it`s more than just love... like some ppl who got together cuz of companionship or other reasons, for them breaking off means less companionship and probably inconvinences, but for ppl who are at such a stage in my life, we had taken the extra commitment, to wan to be able to spend the rest of our lives with the special someone, the plan n responsibility is there..

there are some ppl who might have many r/s, but if their intentions were not well defined, they have less problems getting out.. for ppl like us, the years are all planned, and expectations are much higher for the r/s. if such things like this happens , the impact is really really big..

tell her how you felt back then and how you feel about it now and tell her what you should have done, just talk it over.. but don't go back to her, you have a family and so does she, always put others before yourself..

Here in AA, we always tell others to let go and move on. And this topic wouldn't be an exception.

TS, you already got a family of your own. You can reminisce from time to time but you certainly cannot risk actions which would jeopardize your family! Just let go of the past regrets and move on with your own happiness.

Originally posted by BaByBoY:

i`ll be fine it it was BGR, but i came into this r/s w the intention to settle down.. it`s more than just love... like some ppl who got together cuz of companionship or other reasons, for them breaking off means less companionship and probably inconvinences, but for ppl who are at such a stage in my life, we had taken the extra commitment, to wan to be able to spend the rest of our lives with the special someone, the plan n responsibility is there..

 

there are some ppl who might have many r/s, but if their intentions were not well defined, they have less problems getting out.. for ppl like us, the years are all planned, and expectations are much higher for the r/s. if such things like this happens , the impact is really really big..

that is the problem with sg guy, they like to plan, i dun mean it is not good to plan, planing is good, most of us were trained on proper planing, be it financial, career paths, objectives, targets and goals.

But let me tell you guys, when it come to LOVE, dun plan, cos you cannot plan love and relationship, it an emotion that change with the tide. Let it be natural, come as it will, if u are so stuck up in planing for love and relationship, you tend to want your partner to follow your plan, and most of us gal dun like that kind of control. GOt it!!!

Originally posted by angel7030:

that is the problem with sg guy, they like to plan, i dun mean it is not good to plan, planing is good, most of us were trained on proper planing, be it financial, career paths, objectives, targets and goals.

 

But let me tell you guys, when it come to LOVE, dun plan, cos you cannot plan love and relationship, it an emotion that change with the tide. Let it be natural, come as it will, if u are so stuck up in planing for love and relationship, you tend to want your partner to follow your plan, and most of us gal dun like that kind of control. GOt it!!!

Very true.

Originally posted by angel7030:

that is the problem with sg guy, they like to plan, i dun mean it is not good to plan, planing is good, most of us were trained on proper planing, be it financial, career paths, objectives, targets and goals.

 

But let me tell you guys, when it come to LOVE, dun plan, cos you cannot plan love and relationship, it an emotion that change with the tide. Let it be natural, come as it will, if u are so stuck up in planing for love and relationship, you tend to want your partner to follow your plan, and most of us gal dun like that kind of control. GOt it!!!

Angel flames alot but I have to stand in agreement to her statement, to a point she has enlightened me. She must have some greater wisdom hidden in there!

-----------------------------------------

Send her a card, in it say 

"I really loved you. I lied then about you not being the one not to marry, cos it was the exact opposite, you were my life and that was always in my mind for that to happen. Cos not letting you know for all this time has been killing me".

Love

XXX

--------------------------

And guys get more lovesick than girls, we just don't express it - until it is too late. Lame guys.

For me, I just move on and think that my current girl is definitely better(which she is) and I still think of my previous girl, maybe because we were together for a good 3 years and went through alot of obstacles. But I know nothing would have worked out, she two-timed me for an instructor(from her ****ing driving school), then two-timed another guy with him(the guy knew), now she broke up with all of them and works as a whore(I think. And choose to believe, because I'm an asshole)

Originally posted by Gosu.:

Angel flames alot but I have to stand in agreement to her statement, to a point she has enlightened me. She must have some greater wisdom hidden in there!

-----------------------------------------

Send her a card, in it say 

"I really loved you. I lied then about you not being the one not to marry, cos it was the exact opposite, you were my life and that was always in my mind for that to happen. Cos not letting you know for all this time has been killing me".

Love

XXX

--------------------------

And guys get more lovesick than girls, we just don't express it - until it is too late. Lame guys.

For me, I just move on and think that my current girl is definitely better(which she is) and I still think of my previous girl, maybe because we were together for a good 3 years and went through alot of obstacles. But I know nothing would have worked out, she two-timed me for an instructor(from her ****ing driving school), then two-timed another guy with him(the guy knew), now she broke up with all of them and works as a whore(I think. And choose to believe, because I'm an asshole)

And because you dun express your lovesick it does not imply that you get more lovesick than we gals, why dun express it out, because of the alway man egos lah, pride lah, cannot loose face lah, hell!! we are talking about LOVE, a destiny whereby we both found love and a nest to rest on, what so paiseh for what?? If u will to show and express your lovesick to a gal, i can guarantee 80% gal will fall for you, cos we are emotional creature, and to bring a guy to lovesick us move us to the brink of crying. UNderstand!!

What is there to despair?

I really wonder

there are so many lovers out there, who had to see their love ones died in the arms due to fate and they could not do a single thing about it. Here you are crying over some spill milk.

Wake up lar at least you had a family, there are so many out there who had never ever tasted what you have.