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Strangers again. How relationships end.
"He's my unicorn"
At first I didn't get what my friend meant.
"He's the guy that I always dreamed about existing. Too perfect, making me happier than I thought possible. And I found him. And we're finally together.
This is how my friend described her new boyfriend. Though it was several years ago, that term has always stuck with me, probably because, I think that's a very good way to put it.
Every relationship begins with a crush, an attraction. The person of interest is a dream. You could only WISH to be with them, to be their boy/girlfriend, to know everything about them, and grow with them. They are, a unicorn: "unbelievable". Isn't this the truth? No one goes into a relationship (seriously) with someone they're not crazy about.
But sadly, at some point, this excitement, this appeal, this idea of perfection fades. Why? You couldn't WAIT to see them, to hear from them. You would give anything to be WITH them... Somewhere along the line, the unicorn, just became a regular horse. And it is because of this, in my opinion, that the majority of relationships out there do not last. He or she is no longer "that special" and so you both start to act differently, or do stupid things that eventually lead to breaking up.
To me, the saddest part about a relationship that did not work out, is the inevitable path both parties are on to become strangers. They start out as strangers, grow to learn about each other, eventually become each others' lives, and then break up, and return to being strangers again. To think, that at some point, you knew when your bf/gf slept or woke up...what they ate for lunch...you knew their entire schedule of the week. And then... not even knowing where they are living anymore. To me, that is so unfortunate, but it's what we must all go through at some point.
I've been wanting to write about this for several months. I went a little overboard and made a visual representation of a "typical" relationship...from rise, to demise. Seeing it so plainly sorta depresses me since it's quite familiar...but maybe it'll help others who are going along the same path, and now seeing that, they're not alone.
I know it may seem I'm extremely bitter/pessimistic for claiming this is the representation of "typical" relationships...but, i'm just keeping it real. Honestly, most of us are not gonna be w/ ONE person forever, and you will break up (hate to break it to the high schoolers. I too once was the starry eyed 17 yr old who had hopes of being "together forever") MOST people, in order to find their wife, will likely travel this path at some point w/ someone. And if you don't...then all the power too you, I'm extremely jealous.
(I'm gonna do this from the perspective of a boy, because...i'm a boy) (Also, I'm assuming no one cheated, beated, or did anything truly stupid that deems them unworthy of being counted as a meaningful relationship. Those are deal-breakers right there)
Stage 1: Everyone starts out as strangers. You don't kno who she'll be, you don't even know she exists right now.
Stage 2: By some chance, you meet her. It could be through a mutual friend, online profile, a friend you've had for a long time and it's just clicking, or a total stranger you bump into on the street. Whatever it is...you meet her, and most importantly...you are attracted.
Stage 3: If she's your type, and you click, you'll find a way to keep talking and getting to know each other. At some point, she'll be the only person on your mind, you'll always look forward to getting that call or text from her. You flirt, your eyes always meet first in a crowded room...She is your unicorn.
Stage 4: If you make it here...congrats. You have found someone, out of alllll the people in the world...who likes you the way you like her at the same time. If you think about it, that's quite a feat. Make the right moves and she is now your girlfriend. Lucky you, you are finally with the most awesomest, perfect girl to you. Thus begins the honeymoon stage as everyone knows it. The beginning of the relationship when the two of you couldn't be happier or more excited that you are together.
Stage 5: Time will pass, and whether you want to believe it or not, the fire won't rage on. But that's ok, it's only normal and healthy for each of you to simmer down and just be chill with each other. This is when you get comfortable. There's no need to fake anything, you'll be real, you'll be honest. Some fights might occur, some problems may arise, but that's fine. Again, it's only normal. What you do and where you go with those arguments and that comfortableness is what makes the difference into the next stage. (The comfortable stage is tricky because it could be very short, or very very long, years even, but you'll never know until after it's over)
Stage 6: For many, the problems persist, and despite trying to make up each time, you're still arguing, upset, or dissatisfied with the relationship. It's only once in awhile that you two are actually totally happy, because most of the time...ur just tolerating each other. This is the stage when most people say..."It's not great, but it's not bad". Btw that's never a good description of a relationship. If you're saying that, you're probably headed for the next stage.
Stage 7: If you've gotten here, most likely there's not much time left for the two of you. There may be valiant efforts to save the relationship, but in the end, everything will add up and it'll be too hard to keep it going. Something was lost along the way and you can't bring it back. Usually both of you will be too afraid to make the final call...but one of you will. It's rarely completely mutual, but each case is of course different. Most likely, both you and her won't agree at the same exact moment to break it off, and this results in the "he broke up with me" or "she broke up with me" when it was really what both of you were thinking at some point. However, there are definitely the cases that are really one-sided, when she doesn't see it coming at all, and you essentially "break her heart". Those are the worst.
Stage 8: The Break Up. Pretty self explanatory. If you're lucky, it'll be on good terms. Sometimes they're long and drawn out. Regardless of the duration or type...the relationship will end.
Stage 9: Assuming you were total strangers before...There will/must be a time of distance in order to heal. You and her are coldly thrown back into a life null of each other, and it takes a while to adjust back. This is the most difficult part. (I could probably make a whole other subchart for this stage). Be strong. "Time heals all wounds"
Stage 10: Depending on your personality/support/life events...stage 9 will end after a certain amount of time. You'll either move on, or find someone new. Usually the most common way people move on...is just finding someone new. It's not necessarily a rebound, but seeing that there's another unicorn out there sorta makes the pain from the last one start to go away. Or you try to convince yourself that ur ex was never a unicorn in the first place.
Stage 11: If both of you are mature and have good hearts...the two of you will recall a time when you were very important to one another and a part of each others' lives. This will undoubtedly cause you to sometimes think about them and how they're doing. As a result, once in a while you'll send them an email, or message, or a call to say hello. Maybe even catch up over coffee? This might happen a few times, but after awhile, the time between will become longer and longer. She'll get a new boyfriend, so meeting up won't be a priority. You might have a new girlfriend too. After some time...the two of you won't be talking at all and will have totally lost touch, bringing you back to right where you started...
Strangers. After a few more months/yrs...everything the two of you went thru will feel like a dream that may or may not have happened.
Fork 1: At the end of the honeymoon stage, entering the comfortable stage is where a difference happens. If you and her are truly right for each other...this stage lasts a very long time. Once in awhile there are hiccups, but overall, you and her are trying to really make the relationship grow and last. It's not easy...it takes work for sure.
If you can do this right, the relationship will mature. The two of you will hopefully continue on for a very long time, and if everything falls into place...you could be headed towards true love and marriage.
Don't get too comfortable though, because sometimes life throws curveballs and things might happen that totally catch you off guard. Priorities change as people grow and want new/different things...and you could find yourself at the "Tolerate Stage" and eventually "Downhill" even if the "Comfortble" stage was long and strong.
Fork 2: When the breakup happens, if the two of you were friends from before, or really really mature about it, the two of you might be able to bring it back to before the relationship started. There will still need to be time to heal and move on (usually it'll be faster) and if you're lucky, you'll be friends again who can be cool and chill about everything that happened. It's rare, but it does happen. Sadly though, you are still on the road to becoming strangers, because she will find someone new, and so will you...and just like anyone else, it won't be as important to keep in touch as you'll want to focus on your new relationship.
There's technically another possibility, it's for those people who go in circles. Break up, make up, break up, make up. I chose not to draw it because those relationships are really dumb. After the break up, they'll get lonely, or think they can make it work this new time, and they'll get back together. At best, it'll take them back to a short lived comfortable stage, and right into the middle of tolerate. I know very few cases of them finding themselves on the path to long term. At some point, people in those scenarios just have to accept the fact that there are problems they can't solve, and stick with their decisions and move on.
In conclusion....of course, my interpretation is not 100% correct (probably not even 80%, heh). Everyone and every relationship is different and unique (sort of). This is just loosely based on my experiences and those around me. I am also not "condemning" your relationship. I would like to wish nothing but everlasting happiness between you and your significant other, for real. It's the most awesome thing if you can make it onto Fork 1 and end up at a loving marriage. We're always growing, always learning, and I know we'll all make it there =P.Edited by TalkToTheScreen 07 Jul `08, 7:32PM
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Pretty true for what is happening now in most peoples...
That's why I never trusted in love...
But then, opinion change...
When you met a right one, you started to trust in Love.Hope that my relationship with her now is not like what most people have in their relationships...
Me and her is currently at stage 5, with still elements of stage 4 as we went into stage 5 right after 3 days i think?
The starting stage were quite different from what we had though...
but we both still believe in each other... and the other one is the right one...
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How true ? quite true.
Good memories normally share the path of the bad memories. I keep feel like i am walking in circles. It feels like the inevitable reach to the finish line. A circle u must complete, but , you walk the circle with her to end up alone and walk another circle with someone else.
But i think, its up to the person whether he is willing to give it his everything. I know my problems. Thats why i will never blame them.
Like all dreams. Once they become real. They are no longer a dream anymore.
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Originally posted by TalkToTheScreen:
Stage 6: For many, the problems persist, and despite trying to make up each time, you're still arguing, upset, or dissatisfied with the relationship. It's only once in awhile that you two are actually totally happy, because most of the time...ur just tolerating each other. This is the stage when most people say..."It's not great, but it's not bad". Btw that's never a good description of a relationship. If you're saying that, you're probably headed for the next stage.
Stage 7: If you've gotten here, most likely there's not much time left for the two of you. There may be valiant efforts to save the relationship, but in the end, everything will add up and it'll be too hard to keep it going. Something was lost along the way and you can't bring it back. Usually both of you will be too afraid to make the final call...but one of you will. It's rarely completely mutual, but each case is of course different. Most likely, both you and her won't agree at the same exact moment to break it off, and this results in the "he broke up with me" or "she broke up with me" when it was really what both of you were thinking at some point. However, there are definitely the cases that are really one-sided, when she doesn't see it coming at all, and you essentially "break her heart". Those are the worst.I will like to add on between the transition of Stage 6 to 7 or Stage 7, someone may come between you and it is as easy to break like a twig, depends on how strong the faith with each other. Some may like holding back due to happy moments before, the time and effort spent or thinking he/she is the one but unfortunely that is the past.
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